pardon me while I toot my own horn...

The mother of the baby girl I watch during the week paid me the highest compliment yesterday. 

I heard her say to a friend, about her daughter, "She is never so consistently happy to see someone, as she is to see Emma." 

And just like that, I was on nanny cloud nine. Beaming with pride and joy. 

I play with this sweet baby, I change her diapers, clean up her messes, I feed her, I rock her to sleep.  She cries, she laughs, she's a funny little lady. 

And she LIKES me! She really, really likes me! 

I knew this little baby was usually happy to see me, but I didn't know mine was such a special greeting. 

There is no point to this post other than to say, it is in these moments that I feel like I have a purpose and that the things I do, matter. That I've been blessed with a gift and that I'm using it well.

There are no awards or trophies given to really great mothers, fathers, or other caregivers, but I'm learning more and more that when you take on a life of caring for others, the reward is the privilege and the gift to be able to do so. 

And if you're lucky enough, they like you. They really, really like you. 

Musings From The Can

The start of a new year always has me thinking. So, naturally, I must blog.

As I begin to type this blog post, I am sitting on the toilet. I'm not sure how relevant or appropriate that was to share with you, but I think it adds a little flare to this post. Maybe I'll call this one, "Musings From The Can".

(Mom, was that too much? Are you embarrassed for me? I know you're reading this, sorry!)

Also, to kick off the New Year and a new year of blog posts, I should preemptively apologize for the poor grammatical quality of my writing-- past, present, and future.  This should really be a disclaimer at the bottom of my page. Oh well. 

Now, let the new year musings begin.

- I've been filled with many thoughts lately, mostly questions without answers. Sometimes having so many answerless questions makes me feel alone. But, there's no such thing as a stupid question, so I think we should say the same about lonely questions. There's no such thing as a lonely question. 

- What if my life doesn't turn out the way I want and hope it will?  

- What if life takes me down a path and I end up getting hurt? I mean like, pull a Bella Swan and stare out a window while a camera does a 360 around me and shows the seasons changing outside my window.  Btw-- that scene never showed her eating, sleeping, drinking, or using the bathroom.  Add that to my list of reasons why I doubt that Twilight is real.

- Why do so many wonderful people I love lack confidence in themselves?

- Why is food intake sometimes the only thing a person can control?

- Why don't I treat myself with the kindness I treat others with?

- I'm a nanny right now, and I love it, but what's next?

- What's next, period...?

- Why is love so simple and yet so complex?  

- Sometimes I'd like to figuratively punch the following things in their figurative faces: bathroom scales, alcohol, weed, porn, mean self-talk, condescension, selfishness, the potholes on the ramp from 175W to 295S, the glorification of "busyness", the idea that my or your way is the best way and anything else is wrong or inferior, odds that seem to be not in my favor, succumbing to doubt.

- I would like to bottle up the following things and save them for when I need them most: hope, sunshine, laughter, peace, warmth, perseverance, humility, confidence, patience, love, joy, rain, and grace.

One final thought for those of you who didn't stop reading my rambling thoughts after I mentioned that I'm writing from a toilet seat...

Celine Dion would say, "What do you say to taking chances"?  And typically, I would confidently reply, "No way! Ew! Yuck!"... but, in taking a step back and looking at my life, the decisions I've made this year would say otherwise.  

I've taken risks.  Lots of them.  I, Emma Wetzel, am in a state of vulnerability right now.  Weeeee!

I'm anxious, excited, confident, nervous, wondering if I'm a lunatic, and joyful all at the same time.

Not to mention, I'm scared as hell.

Because hell is a scary place.

And this is my blog and I'm allowed to say "hell" on my blog, dammit.

(sorry again, Mom)

Happy New Year!